Appreciative and clear language

Expressing irritation can be challenging. At the same time, it is important to address irritations promptly in order to avoid a build-up of unpleasant feelings which may fuel an escalation. Clarity and constructiveness open the door to understanding.

Before we can express ourselves in an appreciative and clear manner, we need to listen with appreciation*. Understanding does not mean agreement. Boundaries and non-negotiables remain. Appreciative and clear language facilitates constructive dialogue.Appreciative listening as a basic attitude

1. Describe observations (instead of interpretations)
   • Describe numbers, data, facts, situation (time or place), observed behaviour or frequently occurring behaviour patterns clearly and concretely: What happened? What did I see or notice?
2. Point out effect / impact (instead of making accusations)
   • What this triggers (for me, for the common goal, ...)
3. Express interest / need (instead of demands)
   • Articulate the concern within the specific situation: What is important for the cause?
4. Articulate your own contribution to improvement (instead of solely demanding from others)
   • How can I provide support and meet their needs: concrete, action- or behaviour-related?
     
5. Ask the other person to improve (instead of commanding)
   • What behaviour do I ask of you: concrete, action- or behaviour-related?

* Attentive listening in order to understand (without having to agree)

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